Everything I see looks insomniac. Kind of a stubborn dilemma that prefers to remain volatile. And, if I dare tell you when was the last time things were next to both euphoric and dysphoric then you might get some anxiety attacks.
The last time my mirror loved my skin and body was when I considered myself as the ultimate beauty of paradise (Self-love). The last time my plans worked out was when I chose my interests over someone else’s outlooks and silence over deliberation. I know the idea behind changing traditional routes. The last time my nights were amicable was when I had no idea about insomnia and the toxic atmosphere ( Perhaps toxicity leads to insomnia).Last time…
Patience is not everyone’s call. Normalizing that seems substantial now. I began to comprehend “understanding someone” is a sort of responsibility and it insists effort that too can’t be intimidated. For every pain caused by people to me, for every ignorant look that I received, for every chunk of animosity and terrorised hours, for every blatant lie from my closest, for every racist and demeaning remark, for every attempt to sexual harassment, be it rape or molestation, for every unforgiving phase of my life… All I genuinely wish is to never resist resistance. Weaks fear resistance. Above all, for their every venture to transform me into someone which I don’t choose to become, I will not exonerate.
So, my soul has been in a conundrum since… Since childhood to date, I’ve been seeing such kinds of practices taking place. I could never bear or digest them in any way. It’s all about marriage arrangements and again in ways which should not be normalised at any cost. Normalization of such man-made customs/fashions or say paths has led many driving and pro-choice girls/women into trouble and humiliation. And, it may be an unpopular opinion if I express it here but my antifragility doesn’t accept stereotypes. No one can shift my thought process from one to the other except me. I know eventually, I will hold such a position that nobody on this earth will ever try to throw subjugation in my personal and private sphere. No one will dare to ask my picture for so-called marriage proposals. Who are they to accept or reject my precious soul by creating useless definitions of my beauty? Who are they to make judgements on my skin or the way I’ve been created to look like? If that’s how a relationship is supposed to be built then with pride in my chest I kick a massive massive no. I do not require a naive who wants to spouse me for my external appearance. Confinement doesn’t breathe in my thinking capacity and I don’t live in a fool’s paradise, please.
They don’t get it when I say I don’t want to circulate my pictures to be endorsed or ignored by morons. I don’t want typical aunties and uncles to ask for my pictures for fixing a man to settle. I never want to settle in the first place for your kind information. Everything I need to know is I will seek my partner all by myself. I believe in self-help and not by auctioning my pictures to be discussed. My sea of understanding and awareness is an outspoken one after all I am outspoken and opinionated. It hurts the male ego and I don’t owe you an apology for being myself.
And, I don’t get it how do these girls let others spew toxicity and patriarchy on their pictures? How these girls are willingly proceeding with an age-old tradition which degrades them? What’s Self-Respect then? Particularly these people must be consciously or unconsciously overlooking it and at the end of the day, they will stand defeated for sure. When we forget the power of conscience then we can expect anything as worst as possible in return. What’s the use of certain late realisations when unethical humans have already taken over you?
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Never give it.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
I am active on Facebook and Instagram and I do share my pictures. But, there’s something heartily parading over there and it’s my consent which is above all. Plus, I didn’t upload those pictures to invite men for proposals but rather for my wish and satisfaction. You have no right to take that as an excuse to distribute my pictures without my approval. That’s known as Invasion of Privacy. Did you get the difference now?
Straightforwardness is often disputed but is left unanswered. Stir an argument when you have a proper way out of it at least. For being a straightforward thinker and for prioritising my ethos, I’ve been despised and disregarded by a good number of people. I can’t be a people pleaser. I do things according to my convenience and needs. I don’t aim at mistreating or injuring someone unnecessarily like a few I’ve come across but my emotions must be respected. Every second I keep telling myself I’m better off alone and someday my antifragility will be preserved safely. That’s my mantra to survive. I am not your legacy.
Being a feminist I inscribed one fundamental fact and that’s never to recommend an individual decent ways of handling life when they are not asking for it. Sooner or later, they will see their apocalypse. They call, they endure.
– B. Farhaj Jebin
Shades from Utopia 